How To Have A Kinky Valentine’s Day

By Cara Sutra

Hearts, flowers, wine, chocolates, greeting cards… all this and more equates to the very best in romance that you can give your partner on Valentine’s Day, to prove your depth of feeling for them. So says commercialism, anyway. Even if your plans consist of a couple of hours together tonight, without work or the kids, possibly with a cheeky tipple, a pizza and a DVD, you may be wishing for a more exciting way to spice things up between you and your partner. There is. Read on for some practical & romantic BDSM tips which will teach you how to have a kinky Valentine’s Day.

Have you ever enjoyed a fantasy of them tying you to the bed during foreplay and sex? How about all those spankings you’ve heard about, perhaps courtesy of the Fifty Shades of Grey global tidal wave over the last year or so? Maybe these are just distant mutterings to you. Things other people talk about that you’re not even sure you’d like. ‘Bondage’ and ‘kinky sex’ all sounds quite spicy and exciting but you’re not sure how to get going with it. Never mind how to talk to your partner about it or if they’d be up for it. If you’re honest, you’re not even sure you’re going to like it when it does get going. You could end up wondering what the point is. Well read on.

Related: Read my beginner’s guide to bondage

Screw Romance To The Sticking Place

For millions of people worldwide though, the spice of kink is their preferred way to show a romantic gesture to their partner. Does that sound weird to you? Oh, we’ve barely even started on the kinky Valentine’s Day ideas.

Related: Read my beginner’s guide to BDSM

So how are you going to spice things up? To kick-start our kinky Valentine’s Day ideas, maybe introduce the idea once foreplay starts going. While the warm-up is happening. Whether it’s commenting that you need to ask permission to touch yourself or that they should hold your wrists down while you’re being pleasured by them. Make sure you emphasise how much you’d enjoy feeling held down by them during the activity and watch their response.

Give bondage restraints a try if you happen to have planned ahead and have a set or two in the drawer. If you dabble with a more fun and flirty attitude rather than anything serious and darkly BDSM, bondage accessories become merely alternative sex toys rather than intimidating and scary items that only shadowy figures lurking in some underworld wield.

In a more Dominant frame of mind? You could tell your partner you don’t want them to touch themselves or orgasm until you say they can. During any regular day, why not tell them it would really turn you on if they wear something like an anal sex toy or a panty style vibrator. Take your ‘spicing up’ steps with patience and don’t rush anything, otherwise you could overwhelm your partner with your personal desires that they might not yet share in.

Whatever you’re planning for Valentine’s Day, the romance shouldn’t end there. There’s so many ways in which you could be spicing up your sex life and enjoying new sensations either alone or with a partner all year round. BDSM is one outlet, a way of channeling desires and making them more tangible. It’s an activity I personally enjoy, in a variety of ways.

The traditional and more commercial aspects of Valentine’s Day might not appeal to you. That’s perfectly ok, in fact you can read more on my thoughts about why the obligatory romance of Valentine’s Day seems stupid to me. In that case, please try some of the kinky Valentine’s Day ideas above. By doing so you might have stumbled across the perfect way for you and your partner to become romantically and alternatively entwined for years to come.

5 BDSM Tips and Tricks for a Fun and Kinky Valentine’s Day from a True Expert By Red Phoenix

I am known as Red Phoenix by my many devoted followers of the BDSM novels, Brie Learns the Art of Submission and Brie Embraces the Heart of Submission. I’m a happily married woman who became part of the BDSM lifestyle two and a half years ago.

My husband and I were your typical married couple with three kids, dual incomes and a sex life that had trailed off to a sad whimper. I’d come to accept it, since all of my friends seemed to be suffering a similar fate.

Deep in my heart, I knew it wasn’t okay — this wasn’t what I wanted for us.

With a little trepidation I agreed to a few of my husband’s simple requests, and a whole new world of adventure opened up as we began exploring BDSM in the safety of our bedroom. It has been a journey of self-discovery and pure joy for me. In the process, because of the level of communication and trust involved, we have also grown stronger as a couple. I not only love my husband, I am in love and lust for him now.

That was the reason I decided to write the Brie series. I wanted to share with other women some of our experiences in a fictional setting – The Submissive Training Center. Based on the testimonials I receive on a daily basis, couples are finding inspiration whether they live the lifestyle or not.

The simple fact is no matter how old we are or how long we’ve been in a relationship, we all deserve an active and healthy sex life. For some couples, it turns out BDSM can provide that extra spice they’ve been looking for.

February 14th is the designated date for pleasing and delighting your valentine. Flowers, romantic candlelight, and candy are the standard fare, but I suggest surprising your partner with a little kink this year. Here are five inexpensive items you can integrate into your sex routine that will make this a Valentine’s Day you and your bedmate will never forget.

LACE

A simple strip of lace can turn your night into an erotic adventure. With your partner’s permission, tie it securely over his/her eyes. Now your lover will be focused on touch, sound, and taste. Use the mystery of it to your advantage — whisper to him or her as you tempt and tease with your hands, and surprise your partner with different taste sensations using strawberries, chocolate, or something savory.

FLOWERS

Still want to buy flowers? Purchase a single rose with the thorns removed. Present it in a vase and tell you partner you are going to use it later that evening. This romantic tool can be used to lightly stimulate the skin. Let your partner take in the fragrant aroma before teasing him/her with it. Use it like a feather to tickle and caress the skin. When you are done you can crush the flower and sprinkle the petals over your partner’s body before you move on to your next surprise.

TEA LIGHTS

Enjoy the allure of romantic tealights and use them for extra stimulation. While you let the candles burn, caress your partner in massage oil. Then slowly dribble the warm wax on different parts of his/her skin. The oil massage not only helps to relax your partner, but makes the cooled wax easier to remove afterwards. For added fun, you can introduce ice cubes for a little “fire and ice” play. Note: It’s important to use unscented/uncolored tealights, as they burn at a low temperature. Do a quick test of the melted wax before you use it on your partner.

SILK SCARF

Want to experiment with light bondage? Handcuffs (even fuzzy ones) can be a little rough on the wrists, but a sexy silk scarf elegantly binds your partner in comfort. Even simple binding requires a level of trust, one that can be intoxicating for both partners. If you both find it exhilarating, experiment by binding your lover in different positions and see where creativity takes you.

DICE

Want to experience a little Dominance/submission? Play this fun little dice game. All that is required is a set of red and white die and two willing partners. As the Dominant, you roll the dice and sit back to receive, while your partner plays the submissive and performs whatever the dice indicate. Naturally, you can modify the actions and locations to meet your individual desires or even switch roles if you prefer.

Red Dice/Action:

1: Kiss

2: Nibble/Bite

3: Caress

4: Lick/Suck

5: Tickle

6: Stimulate (Sub’s choice)

White Dice/Body Part:

1: Lips/Face

2: Neck

3: Chest

4: Between the legs

5: Back

6: Sensitive area (Dom’s choice)

DIY Your Valentine’s Day By Tequila Rose

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. I know it’s still the beginning of January, but we all know how fast time flies and before we know it, February will be here and that’s when the clock really starts ticking. So, it’s never too early to plan ahead (says the girl who was finished with her Christmas shopping last year in August). Another thing, many times we feel pressures by society(that’s right Hallmark, I’m talking to YOU!), to find the perfect card and gift that expresses how much you love and how strongly you feel towards your partner/partners. With this pressure comes the idea that you have to spend a lot of money for that perfect gift. That the more money you spend, the more you love that person. Which, we all know is total horsehocky. So don’t let yourself get caught up in all the Valentine’s Day hype and I am here to help you with that!

There’s no reason to spend a lot of money on a Valentine’s Day gift. In my opinion, it’s so much better to get something that’s been handmade and comes from the heart. Those kinds of gifts, while they may not be huge in size, are huge in thought. What more can say I love you than a gift that you’ve put time and energy to make yourself? Here are some ideas that I’ve seen and absolutely love.

DIY Valentine’s Day Gifts 

The fun thing about being an s-type, is buying or making a toy for your dominant because not only does the dominant get to have fun with it, you do as well. Some people call this selfish thinking. I call this a win-win situation. Thanks to the Internet, there are TONS of links out there to DIY BDSM. While it may seem overwhelming to do a Google search and dig through all those links, because that can be quite time-consuming, I have found a handful of links that should send you in the right direction.

DIY Duct Tape Flogger

I think the duct tape floggers are awesome and especially now with all the colors, patterns, characters, and sports teams that you can get duct tape in now of days, you can personalize this flogger to your dominant’s likes.

DIY Velcro Cuffs Who doesn’t love cuffs? Cuffs are a lot of fun, but they also can be really expensive. This a pair of cuffs made from some velcro, a handful of d-rings, and with a little sewing, you have a pair of cuffs ready to use.

Now, if you’re wanting something that isn’t BDSM related, that’s okay. Nothing wrong with that. There’s plenty of those kinds of ideas on the Internet as well and I haven’t forgotten you either.

Personalized Dishes using Sharpie Markers

This one is a ton of fun because the sky is literally the limit. You can take a white coffee mug, plate, bowl and design it with Sharpie markers then bake it in the oven for about a half an hour and you have a special one of a kind personalized gift.

Printable Love Coupon Book

I did something like this similar for Daddy, but I made mine by hand and personalized the coupons to our taste such as afternoons of gaming together, breakfast of choice on weekends, dinner of choice(With 24 hour prior notice. Had to cover the possible loopholes!), and other fun activities that we enjoy doing with each other. With something like this, you can make it as clean or as kinky as you like. If you don’t have time to do one completely from scratch(and it is a rather time-consuming project, cutting out the coupons, writing them all out, decorating, assembling), this printable version is a great idea.

Photo Bookmark

If your D-type is an avid reader, then this is a fantastic idea! It’s a cloth bookmark with a small photo sewn on one end. It can be a picture of both of you together, just you, or a picture of something or somewhere special to the both of you.

Ideas for Making Your Own Valentine’s Day Card

I know there are usually only about 80 billion different kinds of Valentine’s Day cards on the shelves at your local store. Why buy a cookie cutter card when with just a little bit of time you can make your own?

50 Reasons I Love You Candy Jar

If your D-type has a sweet tooth, then this is the perfect idea. It’s a jar filled with candy and on the bottom, a reason why you love them. The original poster used Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Miniatures, but if that’s not up your dom’s ally, then use the miniature version of their favorite candy. Every time they go to grab a piece of candy or chocolate, they’ll also see a reason why they mean so much for you.

Food

Nothing says I love you than a fantastic meal prepared by your own two hands. I am well aware that most s-types do this on a daily basis for their dominant, but for Valentine’s Day, do something a little extraordinary. A little candle light, some decorations, a fantastic meal and you’re all set.

I suggest doing something that your dominant really enjoys. Is there something you make that they really, really enjoy but you don’t get around to making it very often due to time constrictions or picky eaters? This is the perfect time to make that dish. Also make a dessert that they really enjoy and that you don’t make very often. I’m not talking a five course meal(unless that’s what you want to do)or some super fancy gourmet recipe. If you need some ideas, here are some links I found that feature both entree and dessert ideas.

Simple and Delicious Valentine’s Days Recipes from Nigella 

Valentine’s Day Chocolate Dessert Recipes from FoodNetwork.com

Chocolate Covered Strawberries from Allrecpies.com

Romantic Valentine’s Day Entrees from FoodNetwork.com

Valentine’s Day Dessert Recipes from MarthaStewart.com

I hope the ideas I have shared with you have given you some ideas on how to create your own special and magical DIY Valentine’s Day. And, if you have any ideas that you would love to share with me and our other readers, please feel free to do so in the comments! I look forward to hearing about your ideas!

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